Does it always feel like this? When your heart gets shattered into a million pieces? When someone you thought you loved, leaves you? When you first hear those words, you blank out and go numb, unaware of anything going on around you. You feel nothing, just finding yourself saying yeah or why to everything. Frozen in time, deprived of emotion. You except whats going on, but are not entirely sure what it is. You leave, go home. It all hits you when the numbness wears off, no longer desensitized. A knife is rammed through your chest, a train hits you at full speed, you experience a massive jolt, like life has just been shoved into your mind all at once. You stop, can't breathe, feel your heart racing, shaking uncontrollably, fall to the ground as you realize what has just happened less then an hour ago. I refuse to cry. You can't force it. You can't do anything about it. I refuse to cry. Refuse, Refuse, Refuse. There is no point. It hurts like fuck, but I'll get over it. It'll be hard, but I've been way more depressed then this. FML. But I can't hate him. So I'll just exist, taking one day at a time, no matter how much I don't want to. I refuse to cry. So I laugh hysterically instead.

(btw, I got dumped)